out and about - 2015

30 May 2015 .............. Anglesey midges

It is that time of year again - the midges are back.

There are of course many different types of midge throughout the world, and in the UK they are distributed over areas such as parts of Scotland, the Lake District, and parts of Wales.

One of the odd things about midges is that, traditionally, they are associated with the cold wet climate of north west Scotland because they don`t like the heat - midges can`t control their own body temperature, so when it is cold they can come out and play, but when it is hot, they have to bury down into grass and deep foliage to stay cool.

However despite that, and even though the experts tell us we are suffering from or enjoying global warming, midges in the UK are expanding their empire both south and east, to warmer parts of the country.

Perhaps it is because the other experts have got it right, and the climate is actually getting colder !

There are of course several varieties of midge in the UK - the infamous highland midge mostly found around the west coast of Scotland is well known for its ferocity - when they are young the baby highland midges aren`t fed on mother`s milk, they are fed on Irn Bru, and when they grow up, they will eat their way through quarter inch steel plate to get at you.

The midges in the Cairngorms are a lot more refined - they discretely hover waiting for their next meal.

It`s an interesting experience to drive into the Linn of Dee car park, then just sit in your car for a while.

Within five minutes you will find a dense cloud of midges all around the doors of your car, just waiting for you step out - and they know exactly where the doors are !

I have always reckoned that midges are a lot more intelligent than we have ever given them credit for.

One of the best kept secrets in Wales is its midges - Wales seems to successfully live with the concept that if they ignore the problem, nobody will know the problem exists.

The midges on Anglesey are quite different from the Scottish ones - these midges haven`t ever been to school - they don`t know that they shouldn`t go out in the middle of the day when the sun is shining.

They don`t know that they shouldn`t go out when the wind is blowing at more than 5 miles an hour.

And they don`t know that they shouldn`t go into houses.

But their most lethal characteristic is that they don`t hover around where they can be seen - they operate in stealth mode.

You never see them - they quietly sit on dark surfaces and wait - then when you get near enough, they leap at you like a bullet from a high velocity rifle.

One second you are living your life like a normal human being - the next second, you are covered in them - in your hair, down the back of your neck, and into your clothes.

There is no escape - you can run, but you cannot hide - they have got you, wherever you go, they go with you. You are now their home.

You go into the house - bad move - they go with you, and now they live in the house with you.

You sit at the table to have a meal - they climb out of your clothes and you are their meal.

They started this year just like last year - we had a period of weather with a cold north wind for several days, then the weather changed, the temperature came up, the wind went down, and this year they arrived with a bang in the sultry weather we had just at the start of the May Bank Holiday weekend.

At the time of writing, they are horrendous - my clothes are full of them, the house is full of them, the garage is full of them, and a boiler suit tucked into wellies and a midgey net is the only way to survive.

I lived beside Loch Etive for over a year, and the midges were of course a pain at times , but I don`t remember them being so consistently unpleasant and so disruptive and so intrusive.

The highland midges are big and they are brash, and they will have your guts for garters if you give them a chance - but you can see them coming.

Against an invisible bullet ? ------- no chance !

Curiously, these ones don`t seem to like hands, Scottish midges will feast on your hands if they get the chance.

I had an interesting few minutes watching a midge trying to get at me - fortunately it was the other side of a pane of glass.

It landed on the glass - and discovered it couldn`t get to me.

So it moved - but it didn`t fly - it just shot across to another bit of the window far quicker than I could see it move, then I would see it, and it would have another shot.

In the end it gave up and went away, but I still find it amazing the speed at which it leapt across the window, and it explains just how they behave when they leap at you from where they are laying in wait.

I expect that in another two or three weeks they will die down a bit, but it would be nice to live somewhere where midges don`t exist.

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PS - in case you are not familiar with it, Irn Bru is Scotland`s other national drink - it is a fizzy soft drink that gives its big-name rivals a run for their money, and it is of course brewed in Scotland - from girders !

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